Regrets. Feel the weight? Just reading this simple 7-letter word feels the same as an elephant sitting on my chest. Worse yet, a talking elephant that chastises me while continuing to press the breath out of my body. I’m flattened and wallowing in shame all at once.
I can avoid that elephant for a time. But eventually she catches up to me. Sometimes I even throw her peanuts. And then, I’m really in trouble. Welcoming regrets is definitely something about which I should have regrets.
One of my wise sisters-in-law (I am blessed with many!) lent me a book last week. Chapter 2 suggests I fast from regrets. I love the concept so I’m doing that. Not fully successfully yet. But making progress. Have you ever tried to make an elephant disappear? It’s a bit of a slow process. But not futile. I’m claiming space, as well as my breath.
The biggest revelation so far is understanding what sinking into regrets has done to me.
An idea so foreign and repulsive to me on the surface, yet turning my regrets over in my mind and entering again into the shame and disappointment of them accomplishes pretty much the same thing. Yuck!
That comparison has been an incredible revelation for me. I’m not interested in physical self harm, so why do I engage in the mental version?
Understanding what spending time and brain power in regrets actually does to me is making it easier to stop, but I have it written on my bathroom mirror in red lipstick just in case.
My lipstick is pretty, but the bible always says it best:
For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.
2 Corinthians 7:10