Breathing Expectation


June 2017

A Reflection on My Dad

Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

Thank you for 50 years of practical guidance, heartfelt moments, and loving me as unconditionally as a human being possibly can.

I am so grateful for decades of memories. Many hilarious, some serious, and a few anger producing. The anger was on my end and from when I was about 14. Thanks to you and Mom for both hanging in there and shaping me into a better person than I could ever have become on my own. 

I spent the first 30 years of my life believing you were never wrong. What a relief to finally discover you are as human as the rest of us! This revelation didn’t diminish my admiration for you. Rather, I realized you had the ability to maintain positive leadership and earn our respect through what must have been your own uncertainties. Thank you for being a strong parent and showing me how to love and lead my own children. 

Relationships are made for change and ours is no different. We have navigated this dance of life as best we can. Some life change has been remarkably difficult and we have been powerless to stop it. But we have faced it together and that has made the difference.

We probably won’t celebrate today the way we used to. I know some days are really tough for you. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to wish (my word, not yours) a body would remain physically capable of all that it once could do.  I’m okay with the changes we are experiencing because you are still here. We both know that is nothing short of miraculous and I am beyond grateful.

It may surprise you to know that the moments we spend visiting now are some of the sweetest in my memory bank. I hope they are for you too.

Dad, you are still and always will be My Superman. (Minus the tights of course!)

Happy Father’s Day! Thank you for making every day of my life richer and fuller because I have a dad who cares and has asked me the hard questions and always come through for me. Life may have changed your body a bit but it has not changed your strength of character. Thank you for passing that on to me. I love you, Cindy

PS: Your worst piece of advice to me ever was to stop having babies. Where would we all be without your youngest, extremely tenacious grandson?!


My Saturday Morning Heart

Saturday morning, cup of coffee in hand, is a weekly ritual when I “take stock” of what occurred in my life the past week. 

Unfortunately, this beautiful Saturday morning finds me steeped in regret. Words I spoke, actions I chose, thoughts I let percolate in my head until they became nearly poisonous. Why? I know better, so why don’t I “do better?” These words from the Apostle Paul at least tell me I am in good company:  I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15
I really do have a desire to speak uplifting words, choose wise actions, and think positive thoughts. Unfortunately I also (almost simultaneously) don’t want to make those better choices and all too often I choose to speak/live/think in destructive ways. Strong word that–destructive–but completely appropriate. When I choose to not live in the freedom of Christ, it negatively affects not only me but those I talked about and also those who share in the consequences of the poor choices I made.

Enter this week where I have to face what has developed out of some some really bone-headed decisions. I know better. I mean, I really know better. But something about those moments drew me to the point of no return. Where I almost couldn’t help but push myself over the lines of good judgment. Truth is though, I could help myself and simply chose not to. Repeatedly.

I continue to look for what my new best friend Paul has to say so that I might find hope to cling to. Throughout Romans 7, he references the internal war we all face:  I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out . . . who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

There is, as always, a way out. Jesus. And when I look back through the telephoto lens of my week, the truth is that I didn’t want to reach out to him. I could have. Oh the avalanche of self-destructive habits I could have stopped with even one silent plea. 

The good news is it is absolutely never too late to turn my heart, thoughts, words, and decisions over to my savior. That’s Paul’s point. On our own, we aren’t wired toward goodness and unconditional love of others. That comes only through our belief in Christ and our continuing surrender of our lives to him. 

This morning, I am not going to hang onto the mess I put in motion. I’m handing it to him, telling him I’m sorry, and asking for mercy to help get it right next time. And he says, “Yes.”

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. -Romans 8:2

That’s me! And Saturday is looking up!!

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