Breathing Expectation


December 2015

Blogging, An Unexpected Spiritual Art

I started blogging in August of 2013 as a response to a difficult life situation. The point was not to dwell or get lost in the difficulty but rather to remember to be grateful for life and all the marvelous things that still held true.

I blogged almost every day for the remainder of that year, using my words to count my blessings. Counting blessings sounds so cliche, yet is so true when one considers the many things for which to be thankful and so important to a truly healthy life and perspective.

The tough season and the catharsis of public writing changed me in ways I did not foresee. In some ways, I am quieter, more thoughtful, and definitely more careful. Not bad qualities. Just different. And sometimes they don’t feel like they fit my skin. But skin adapts to the shape of the body eventually and I am more comfortable with myself today.

The greatest good of that season and today is the spiritual shaping that is taking place. Some days the change happens through a gentle rub. Other days have felt like a chisel against hard clay. But the beauty that comes forth is worth the touch, no matter the depth of the pressure applied.

The truth is, Christ has changed me. Graciously and mercifully he has changed me into someone who looks for the good. Some days I don’t feel like looking. Other days it’s harder to find things for which to give thanks. Those are often the best days because they require some extra effort. And that is the difference. I am making the effort.

Some of you shake your head about what I believe or my words make you uncomfortable. Or you misunderstand what I’ve written and I have to work through my own discomfort of sorting out what I could have said better or wondering if writing is worth my time, even when I know it is.

As I close out 2015, what I know for sure is that I am meant to write. Whether my blog gets forty or zero views in a day. Whether anybody believes in what I have to say. Whether or not you find yourself nodding along quietly. My words have been my stepping stone from darkness to light and a reminder to trust in Jesus every single day.

May you find your hope in 2016-Cindy

PS: To all of you out there who have continually encouraged me – Thank you!


2015 in review

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 310 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 5 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

The Season of Between

Christmas is over and we are in the gap until the New Year. I call this time The Season of Between. It seems this week is always a period of “getting over” and “gearing up.” I’m getting over the parts of the past year that I didn’t like. A mixture of things that happened that I couldn’t control but also the things I could. And wish I hadn’t. You know, regrets for the things I selfishly orchestrated that didn’t turn out very well. And my attitude. Every year I have a hangover from the attitude I imposed over the last year. This year impatience hangs over the days of 2015. 

I won’t wallow in the regret. It’s unfortunate the time I wasted being irritated because I was impatient, but I’m not staying there. Don’t forget that in this Between, I am also gearing up for the new year and new opportunities. 

In reflecting on 2015 and preparing for 2016, I have determined I need to intentionally and earnestly surrender:

  • Selfishness (that’s #1 on my list for many years running and despite trying to shepherd 4 children I still seem to have plenty of time for self-engaging negative behaviors).
  • Irritation – It is after all a choice to be irritated. The big problem is I stay there. I’m not describing a momentary irritation. This is the kind that holds on all day. You know, when I let my entire day (and everyone else’s) be ruined because someone wore my indoor Crocs out in the dirt. (I know. I know they are easily washable. That’s what I’m talking about–this attitude that takes on a life of its own because I let it get out of control.)
  • Impatience with myself and others because it ultimately leads to bullet 2.
  • Judgment, pride, and arrogance – These get one bullet because my pride won’t allow the list to get too long. 😊 

This may look like a short list but believe me, there are some heavy internal hitters in there. Which means there is only one place to take them. The place where everything has to ultimately get surrendered or it isn’t really gone. The feet of Jesus. Who I was just reminded this week came to seek and save the lost. And boy do I get lost–mostly in myself. Thankfully, he lets me start over. Every year. Every day. Every moment.


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