History repeats itself. Sometimes it hasn’t even had a chance to be categorized history before the ghosts of the past begin to nip at your heels again. Such is the place I find myself tonight.
It would be easy to pour out my heart about the injustices that I believe I am experiencing, but that isn’t the point of this post, so I will spare your having to slog through those painful details with me.
What’s on my mind tonight is that I told my dad earlier today that if I could just throw the last 2 years away, I would. In mulling that statement over tonight, I have to take those words back (and because he’s such a good dad, I’m sure he’ll let me).
There is much about the last 2 years that I haven’t liked. At all. But that doesn’t mean I can discount the good that happened, sometimes in spite of the bad. And the fact that those really hard things had a hand in shaping me into who I am today and showing me that making the really hard choice is worthwhile, even if the payoff doesn’t come to fruition for a long time.
What I’m not doing a very good job of saying is that the pain that occurred and that sometimes still endures is not the be all/end all in my life. God has shown me that even when there is trouble on all sides, he places me in a high and safe place. He provides for all my needs, especially when it’s my definition of “need” that requires change. And he has good plans for me. Plans that likely require spiritual pruning in my life.
So, Dad, what I should have said to you today is that although the last two years have been really, really hard, I wouldn’t trade them. They’ve made me a wiser person, a kinder mom, a better friend, a true believer. And–I sincerely hope–a more thoughtful and loving daughter.